Identity Crisis

Who I used to be and who I want to be are 2 completely defined people. It is this person in the middle that is losing me.

Casey Fox: Who I used to be

I was a student at UGA working on my bachelors in psychology and minor in child and family development. I knitted. I babysat. I worked at Ramsey, the student gym. I taught knitting. I was a student who lived on coffee and anywhere from 4-7 hours of sleep a night. I had friends. I loved my church home. I was a very busy and sometimes overwhelmed person, but I loved the pace and relished in the exhaustion.

Kristina Tucker: Who I want to be

This person has her masters in Christian Counseling. She's professional and grown-up. She counsels and helps young women with everything from addiction to boundary problems to healing in any arena of life. She is a happy and loving wife. She probably has a child or a few and hopefully some are adopted. She works. She crafts. She serves. She loves. She is busy- probably an overwhelmed sort of busy, but she enjoys life very much.

Its this who I am now that I just can't figure out. I'm between work and school actively waiting on a job. I'm a wife, but definitely learning those ropes. I drink lots of coffee, but now just because I love it, not because I need it. I knit. I sew. I cook and bake. I am nothing if not domestic. I live in this tiny town where there are no young people anywhere. I workout everyday to give myself something to do as well as to burn off the bajillion calories I consume in different types of batters (cake, cookie, bread, you name it.) I go to church. I shop minimally. I read. I watch HGTV. Yes it all sounds great, but I am completely missing any fulfillment.

I question if I am trying to find my fulfillment in the wrong places. I feel like I should be completely fulfilled in the Lord. I have my time with the God in the mornings. I read my bible. I pray. I go to church, and I love worship just as much as ever. I just am missing the fulfillment somewhere. I'm missing the busyness. I am missing conversation with friends. I am missing knowing and being happy with who I am. I feel below mediocre and stir crazy.

I think others sense how I don't know who I am too. I typically introduce myself as Kristina. I feel like Casey Tucker is beyond redneck. Believe me when I say that there is plenty of redneck here in this town without me. However, Zack introduces me as Casey. Therefore, in church I am sure there are all sorts of people completely confused about who I am. "Is she Kristina or is she Casey? Her last name is Tucker- that Zack Tucker is her husband. At least he seems stable and normal." Nothing like seeming like a liar in church. Oh and then there is the signing my name. I always signed "Kristina Fox" because that is who I was legally. These days I am legally "Kristina Tucker" The lesson I learned: pay attention when you sign your last name. You don't want to curse out the nice cashier.

Oh, identity crisis. I'll figure this out. Let's please let it be sooner rather than later. Until then, I'm going to go bake a banana pudding pie and then go work out.